From: Shannon Walkley
Date: Monday 21 June 2010 9.15am
To: David Thorne
Subject: Poster
Hi
I opened the screen door yesterday and my cat got out and has been missing since then so I was wondering if you are not to busy you could make a poster for me. It has to be A4 and I will photocopy it and put it around my suburb this afternoon.
This is the only photo of her I have she answers to the name Missy and is black and white and about 8 months old. missing on Harper street and my phone number.
Thanks Shan.
From: David Thorne
Date: Monday 21 June 2010 9.26am
To: Shannon Walkley
Subject: Re: Poster
Dear Shannon,
That is shocking news. Luckily I was sitting down when I read your email
and not half way up a ladder or tree. How are you holding up? I am
surprised you managed to attend work at all what with thinking about Missy
out there cold, frightened and alone... possibly lying on the side of the
road, her back legs squashed by a vehicle, calling out "Shannon, where are
you?"
Although I have two clients expecting completed work this afternoon, I
will, of course, drop everything and do whatever it takes to facilitate the
speedy return of Missy.
Regards, David.
From: Shannon Walkley
Date: Monday 21 June 2010 9.37am
To: David Thorne
Subject: Re: Re: Poster
yeah ok thanks. I know you dont like cats but I am really worried about mine. I have to leave at 1pm today.
From: David Thorne
Date: Monday 21 June 2010 10.17am
To: Shannon Walkley
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Poster
Dear Shannon,
I never said I don't like cats. Once, having been invited to a party, I
went clothes shopping beforehand and bought a pair of expensive G-Star
boots. They were two sizes too small but I wanted them so badly I figured I
could just wear them without socks and cut my toenails very short. As the
party was only a few blocks from my place, I decided to walk. After the
first block, I lost all feeling in my feet. Arriving at the party, I
stumbled into a guy named Steven, spilling Malibu & coke onto his white
Wham 'Choose Life' t-shirt, and he punched me. An hour or so after the
incident, Steven sat down in a chair already occupied by a cat. The
surprised cat clawed and snarled causing Steven to leap out of the chair,
slip on a rug and strike his forehead onto the corner of a speaker;
resulting in a two inch open gash. In its shock, the cat also defecated,
leaving Steven with a foul stain down the back of his beige cargo pants. I
liked that cat.
Attached poster as requested.
Regards, David.
From: Shannon Walkley
Date: Monday 21 June 2010 10.24am
To: David Thorne
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Poster
yeah thats not what I was looking for at all. it looks like a movie and how come the photo of Missy is so small?
From: David Thorne
Date: Monday 21 June 2010 10.28am
To: Shannon Walkley
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Poster
Dear Shannon,
It's a design thing. The cat is lost in the negative space.
Regards, David.
From: Shannon Walkley
Date: Monday 21 June 2010 10.33am
To: David Thorne
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Poster
Thats just stupid. Can you do it properly please? I am extremely emotional over this and was up all night in tears. you seem to think it is funny. Can you make the photo bigger please and fix the text and do it in colour please. Thanks.
From: David Thorne
Date: Monday 21 June 2010 10.46am
To: Shannon Walkley
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Poster
Dear Shannon,
Having worked with designers for a few years now, I would have assumed you
understood, despite our vague suggestions otherwise, we do not welcome
constructive criticism. I don't come downstairs and tell you how to send
text messages, log onto Facebook and look out of the window. I am willing
to overlook this faux pas due to you no doubt being preoccupied with
thoughts of Missy attempting to make her way home across busy intersections
or being trapped in a drain as it slowly fills with water. I spent three
days down a well once but that was just for fun.
I have amended and attached the poster as per your instructions.
Regards, David.
From: Shannon Walkley
Date: Monday 21 June 2010 10.59am
To: David Thorne
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Poster
This is worse than the other one. can you make it so it shows the whole photo of Missy and delete the stupid text that says missing missy off it? I just want it to say Lost.
From: David Thorne
Date: Monday 21 June 2010 11.14am
To: Shannon Walkley
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Poster
From: Shannon Walkley
Date: Monday 21 June 2010 11.21am
To: David Thorne
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Poster
yeah can you do the poster or not? I just want a photo and the word lost and the telephone number and when and where she was lost and her name. Not like a movie poster or anything stupid. I have to leave early today. If it was your cat I would help you. Thanks.
From: David Thorne
Date: Monday 21 June 2010 11.32am
To: Shannon Walkley
Subject: Awww
Dear Shannon,
I don't have a cat. I once agreed to look after a friend's cat for a week
but after he dropped it off at my apartment and explained the concept of
kitty litter, I kept the cat in a closed cardboard box in the shed and
forgot about it. If I wanted to feed something and clean faeces, I wouldn't
have put my mother in that home after her stroke. A week later, when my
friend came to collect his cat, I pretended that I was not home and mailed
the box to him. Apparently I failed to put enough stamps on the package and
he had to collect it from the post office and pay eighteen dollars. He
still goes on about that sometimes, people need to learn to let go.
I have attached the amended version of your poster as per your detailed
instructions.
Regards, David.
From: Shannon Walkley
Date: Monday 21 June 2010 11.47am
To: David Thorne
Subject: Re: Awww
Thats not my cat. where did you get that picture from? That cat is orange. I gave you a photo of my cat.
From: David Thorne
Date: Monday 21 June 2010 11.58am
To: Shannon Walkley
Subject: Re: Re: Awww
I know, but that one is cute. As Missy has quite possibly met any one of
several violent ends, it is possible you might get a better cat out of
this. If anybody calls and says "I haven't seen your orange cat but I did
find a black and white one with its hind legs run over by a car, do you
want it?" you can politely decline and save yourself a costly veterinarian
bill.
I knew someone who had a basset hound that had its hind legs removed after
an accident and it had to walk around with one of those little buggies with
wheels. If it had been my dog I would have asked for all its legs to be
removed and replaced with wheels and had a remote control installed. I
could charge neighbourhood kids for rides and enter it in races. If I did
the same with a horse I could drive it to work. I would call it Steven.
Regards, David.
From: Shannon Walkley
Date: Monday 21 June 2010 12.07pm
To: David Thorne
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Awww
Please just use the photo I gave you.
From: David Thorne
Date: Monday 21 June 2010 12.22pm
To: Shannon Walkley
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Awww
From: Shannon Walkley
Date: Monday 21 June 2010 12.34pm
To: David Thorne
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Awww
I didnt say there was a reward. I dont have $2000 dollars. What did you even put that there for? Apart from that it is perfect can you please remove the reward bit. Thanks Shan.
From: David Thorne
Date: Monday 21 June 2010 12.42pm
To: Shannon Walkley
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Awww
From: Shannon Walkley
Date: Monday 21 June 2010 12.51pm
To: David Thorne
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Awww
Can you just please take the reward bit off altogether? I have to leave in ten minutes and I still have to make photocopies of it.
From: David Thorne
Date: Monday 21 June 2010 12.56pm
To: Shannon Walkley
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Awww
From: Shannon Walkley
Date: Monday 21 June 2010 1.03pm
To: David Thorne
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Awww
Fine. That will have to do.
Till later, live long & prosper.
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