After a painful personal experience some years back, I decided to adopt a much more accommodating & easy going attitude in life. This new approach yielded some favourable results, even with the fairer gender. However, I noticed this more relaxed attitude gives the impression that I can be taken for granted & be ok with it. Work related, a former colleague once complained to me about another colleague of the same division backstabbing others. Knowing there’s nothing much to be done within my power, I replied that as long as this person’s backstabbing doesn’t affect us, perhaps it’s better to let it be & God will punish the person accordingly. My reply made the former colleague unhappy & thought of me less of a man.
Nevertheless, my vocal nature appears to be surfacing again more than a year now. I recall being so much more assertive at work before leaving for London (probably coz I was rushing to complete outstanding work & didn’t have time to tolerate meager issues) & here in London when faced with this new 1 year experience at CBS. Signs were there when a friend from back in home country said I am more sarcastic now & another friend over YM branded me ‘heartlessly blunt’ after the sensitive twit got annoyed I didn’t share the person’s over enthusiasm from initial working days (hey, I didn’t know not going all excited & grounding a person in reality was a capital crime). Anyhow, the jolt that made me realize this happened over the weekend, a rather quiet weekend here, but a storm for me to survive through back home.
Several days ago, I had 1 of my periodic chats with my aunt over the phone. I am very close to her. In fact, she’s my ibu angkat, foster mother or godmother if you wanna put it. Over that chat, I made some comments that on the hindsight, I admit was rather impolite & blunt. I only knew that my aunt really took it to heart when despite trying countless times over the weekend, she just didn’t answer my phone calls. I sensed that something was wrong & suspected what had happened. My mum confirmed my suspicion when I asked her about my aunt’s whereabouts. She said, “I don’t know what you said, but you finally managed to hurt your foster mother’s feelings.” Mum advised me to always mind my words with people especially the elder, politely told me to settle the issue myself & that she won’t interfere unless required. I sent several sms apologizing to my aunt & kept calling but she just won’t pick up the phone.
Suffice to say, I ended up feeling very distraught last Sunday afternoon as this is a 1st between me & my foster mother (yes, I’ve been a very good boy previously). Being a continent away, I can’t drive over to her house, kiss her hand & beg her forgiveness. I didn’t want to call my mum as it was past midnight in home country. I tried calling a friend who lives in UK (although I hate disturbing her weekend) to seek counsel but alas, I was told by the maid that she was out with the family. Thankfully, reciting Yasin after Maghrib calmed me down a bit.
Sensing no other alternative, I called mum in the morning at home country to get her help as I cannot apologise if my aunt won’t pick up the phone. Didn’t sleep well that night, got up at 6am Monday morning (clocked 3 hours) & couldn’t sleep again despite eyes feeling heavy. Went for a morning walk after 7am after charging up with an energy bar. The cloudy skies & strong breeze was surely refreshing, especially standing at the center of the Millennium Bridge & along the Thames bankside & seeing people rushing to work while I am free to relax on a bench there. :D Managed to get another 3 hours of zzz after that only to be awaken by a call from my aunt. Alhamdulillah!
From this experience, I am again reminded how blessed I am for having those 2 motherly figures in my life. Also, I shall continue to find the right balance in my being in order to be a better person in life.
Till later, live long & prosper.