Been rather free at work currently. Hence, I was going through my really big work email archive & came across some old gems, courtesy of the forwarded mail practice. As per today's title & my admitting being a techie person ( a turn-off to some female of the species), I'd like to share the following story/anecdote. Dunno who to credit this to (the author, that is) but thanks to KV for forwarding this in 2002.
Customer: Well, I'm not very technical, but I think I'm ready to
install it now. What do I do first?
Tech Support: The first step is to open your HEART. Have you located
your HEART, ma'am?
Customer: Yes, I have, but there are several other programs running
right now. Is it okay to install while they are running?
Customer: Let's see... I have PAST-HURT.EXE, LOW-ESTEEM.EXE,
GRUDGE.EXE, and RESENTMENT.COM running now.
Tech Support: No problem. LOVE will gradually erase PAST-HURT.EXE from your current operating system. It may remain in your permanent memory, but it will no longer disrupt other programs. LOVE will eventually overwrite LOW-ESTEEM.EXE with a module of its own called HIGH-ESTEEM.EXE. However, you have to completely turn off GRUDGE.EXE and RESENTMENT.COM. Those programs prevent LOVE from being properly installed. Can you turn those off, ma'am?
Customer: I don't know how to turn them off. Can you tell me how?
Tech Support: My pleasure. Go to your Start menu and invoke
FORGIVENESS.EXE. Do this as many times as necessary until it's
erased the programs you don't want.
Customer: Okay, now LOVE has started installing itself
automatically. Is that normal?
Tech Support: Yes. You should receive a message that says it will
reinstall for the life of your HEART. Do you see that message?
Customer: Yes, I do. Is it completely installed?
Tech Support: Yes, but remember that you have only the base program.
You need to begin connecting to other HEARTs in order to get the
Customer: Oops. I have an error message already. What should I do?
Tech Support: What does the message say?
Customer: It says "ERROR 412-PROGRAM NOT RUN ON INTERNAL
OMPONENTS." What does that mean?
Tech Support: Don't worry, ma'am, that's a common problem. It means
that the LOVE program is set up to run on external HEARTs but has
not yet been run on your HEART. It is one of those complicated
programming things, but in non-technical terms it means you have to
"LOVE" your own machine before it can "LOVE" others.
Customer: So what should I do?
Tech Support: Can you pull down the directory called
Customer: Yes, I have it.
Tech Support: Excellent. You're getting good at this. Now, click on
the following files and then copy them to the "MYHEART" directory:
FORGIVE-SELF.DOC, REALIZE-WORTH.TXT, and
ACKNOWLEDGE-LIMITATIONS.DOC. The system will overwrite any
conflicting files and begin patching any faulty programming. Also,
you need to delete SELF-CRITIC.EXE from all directories, and then
empty your recycle bin afterwards to make sure it is completely gone
and never comes back.
Customer: Got it. Hey! My HEART is filling up with new files.
SMILE.MPG is playing on my monitor right now and it shows that
PEACE.EXE, and CONTENTMENT.COM are copying themselves all over my
HEART. Is this normal?
Tech Support: Sometimes. For others it takes a while, but eventually
everything gets downloaded at the proper time. So, LOVE is installed
and running. You should be able to handle it from here. Ah, one more
Tech Support: LOVE is freeware. Be sure to give it and its various
modules to everybody you meet. They will in turn share it with other
people and they will return some similarly cool modules back to you.
Customer: I will! Thanks for your help!
Remember, LOVE is Freeware!
Hmm, love being freeware may be a point of view. Some may consider it shareware. Oh, well... ;-)
Till later, live long & prosper.